My Hungry Soul
by VampedVixen
Summary: During college english, Buffy thinks about how much she misses Angel.


UNTITLED  
By Celtic Air  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, yadda yadda only for entertainment yadda yadda.. but the plot is mine

"Buffy, come on, we're going to be late," Willow shook her friend gently, trying to wake up the sleepy slayer.

Willow was already dressed, having woken up an hour ago when the alarm clock had gone off. She was wearing a fuzzy blue sweater and a black skirt. 

"Just five more minutes," Buffy whined from beneath her covers.

"You've been saying that for an hour now," Willow replied and looked at her watch. They had ten minutes until college english started.

"Ok, ok," Buffy threw off her blankets but as the cold morning air of the morning reached her she dove back into them.

"Not that easy," Willow smirked as she ripped the blankets off the bed and put them on the opposite side of the room. 

Buffy finally got up and out of bed and looked at the clock, "Oh no! I'm going to be so very very late". She half shouted as she pulled a clean shirt and pair of jeans from the closet and rushed into the bathroom to change.

Willow sighed, living with Buffy as a roommate was more of a challenge then she had thought it would be. Still, they were best friends and it was cool to have a pretend sister. All in all, college life wasn't bad, especially with all the higher education, Willow really liked that part. She was getting to test her academic skills and so far she had more than excelled in her classes.

"I'm ready," Buffy announced as she came out of the bathroom, picked up her book bag and headed for the door. 

The two friends rushed out of the dorm and over to Kumble Hall, where their class was, quicker than humanly possibly. They took their seats next to each other as the teacher made her appearance. 

"Good morning class," the teacher, Ms. Laters, greeted them, "Today we are going to be talking about the poet Anne Bradstreet."

While the teacher continued talking, Buffy glanced over to Willow. Always eager to learn, she was listening avidly. Buffy, on the other hand couldn't concentrate. College was one of the biggest challenges she had ever faced, and she was facing it alone.

She wasn't completely alone, she mused, her friends would always be there for her, of course, as they had always been. Willow, Xander, Oz, and Giles would always support her when she needed it. However, at the moment she only wanted to be consoled one person, well, he wasn't exactly a person anymore he was ... an Angel. Her Angel. He would always be her Angel, at least she hoped.

After she had tried moving on, with Parker, Buffy had come to the conclusion that no matter how far away Angel was she would always love him. Even before she had realized that Parker had used her, even before she knew he didn't love her, even before all that she had known something was wrong. Something had been missing, and trying to replace it was a meaningless task.

"Buffy," the teacher said, bringing Buffy back down to earth, "Could you read the first stanza."

"Sure," Buffy nodded brightly, "If I only knew what page that was on." She though to herself. As if reading her mind, Willow leaned over and whispered the page number. Opening the book, Buffy quickly thumbed through the pages till she found the correct one.

"By night when others soundly slept,  
And hath at once both ease and rest  
My waking eyes were open kept  
And so to lie I found it best."  


Ms. Laters continued on discussing the first stanza of the poem, getting people opinions on it and such. 

Buffy had never been one for poetry, but this one seemed to make sense to her. She could never admit it to most of the people in the room but those three lines, "By night when others soundly slept, And hath at once both ease and rest, My waking eyes were open kept," was almost the story of her life. Add to that the fact that she was slaying vampires while the 'other soundly slept' and it would fit perfectly.

  


"I sought him whom my soul did love,  
With tears I sought him earnestly.  
He bow'd his ear down from above.  
In vain I did not seek nor cry." 

Another student read the second stanza.

Buffy's thought went again to Angel as those lines were read. He certainly seemed to fit the "him whom me soul did love," description. 

The teacher explained that the last line meant that the speaker of the poem didn't need to 'seek nor cry' because her love was with her.

Buffy grimaced, that's where she stopped connecting with the poem. For her, seeking and crying were the only things left for her to do. Angel wasn't coming back. He would never be with her again, not matter how hard she wanted him by her. 

A boy from the back row read the third stanza:

  


"My hungry soul he filled with good,  
He in his bottle put my tears,  
My smarting wounds washt in his blood  
And banisht thence my doubts and fears,"  


Buffy smiled slightly, remembering how good it had been with Angel. Thought they had been through so much heartache, he had given her so much good. From the moment 'cryptic warning guy' had entered her life, till the moment he left, he had been her strength. He had gotten rid of her doubts and given her a reason to fight. 

Buffy had doubted her ability to succeed in college, and if Angel had been there with her she could have been so much more confident. Then again, she was now just adjusting to her new life. It had been hard at first, but now she was standing on her own two feet. Buffy felt that in some strange way Angel's leaving had built up her strength. Though she didn't need him anymore to lean on, she still loved him.

  


"What to my savior shall I give,  
Who has freely done this for me?  
I'll serve him her whilst shall I live  
And love him for eternity."  


Ms. Laters looked at her watch, "Sorry class, but we're going to have to finish this tomorrow. We're out of time. We'll discuss this last stanza tomorrow." 

Buffy didn't have to wait for tomorrow, the meaning of the poem was perfectly clear to her. "Thanks for waking me up, Will," She said to her friend as she left. "English class wasn't as boring as I thought it would be."

  


THE END   
  
Questions? Comments?


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